Confidence and Control

Emily was raised in a family that liked things neat and tidy.  The focus only being on having a good job that paid well.  Makes a lot of sense and we know this as a common thread in our society.  

Emily loved to sing, play the piano and write songs but every time she tried to share her love of music with her family they dismissed her dreams as nonsense. She had a sensible job but desperately wanted a career in music.  She had no support from her family.  

John, on the other hand, was raised in a family that was incredibly supportive of his music and came to everything he performed in, went to or tried his hand at.  They applauded loudly from the front row and exuded pride from their seats.  He decided not to pursue music after all.  He felt suffocated by his parents and felt their love was conditional on his performing. 

These are two sides of the coin and it seems like parents cannot catch a break. 

Individuating from the family and the family contracts is a big deal and over the years the success or the lack thereof of any singer I have run into depends upon how they were raised and supported in music.  Music is emotion and each family has a relationship with emotion that is the deciding factor on how music is handled, managed, controlled or allowed.  With my students we look into their upbringing family to see how emotions and feelings were either supported, dismissed and all the shades in-between. 

Managing and controlling emotion is the theme and if you are a singer this is the name of the game.  Singing is learning to channel emotion into song using the voice as the medium. 

In my work as a voice teacher one of the biggest issue that students run into with their voices is the issue of power.  Everyone wants and longs to have it.  A powerful voice.   Do I need more confidence? What’s wrong with my voice? Am I good enough etc, all this and more creates fear, anxiety and distrust which shows up in the sound of the voice.  

This issue is at the core of a singer, unless they are connected and rooted firmly in who and what they are.  Good training is wonderful and works for some to harness and channel this power, but some people need to go to greater lengths to sort this all out. 

So to start we might ask the question; What is power? How can I have it? Where is it in my body? And an even better question to start is; how can I let go of control to have power?  Control is the key word.

This might seem like a contrary statement ‘to let go of control in order to have power’, but this is what is necessary in order to truly connect to and allow the power of the voice versus the pushing and controlling of the voice. 

How we do one thing we do many things’ is indeed a true statement in how our voices reflect the way we live. How are we are currently living in response to past events? And the modelling that we absorbed from parents, teachers and those who surround us. 

Power as controlling, managing or being responsible.

Examples…

Having to control, manage or be responsible for something that was too much for us and overwhelmed the nervous system at too early of an age is all too common a problem.

This energy that we manage and control and are responsible for sits inside of the solar plexus, diaphragm region and is protected by the warrior energy and our nervous system. Protecting us against overwhelm and too much charge, anger or threat. 

This is the location of our power centre and includes the diaphragm which is the major muscle in breathing and singing and so it is a big deal to understand this area for singing and for life.  To let go here and to allow passion, play and confidence in life versus the fear and anxiety of control and overwhelm. 

To find the right combination lock or the Rubik’s cube to let go it’s no small deal and it takes great deal of understanding of who is guarding the charge of energy or the lack of it for us to even begin the conversation.

Understanding the spectrum of light with the warrior from the light warrior to the dark warrior and how we are dealing with setting boundaries and bad behaviour with others is a good start.

Are boundaries set through shadowy manipulative ways or are the boundaries set directly and clearly.

Either with a sense of clarity and straightforwardness or murky, disowned warrior energy. 

It is quite clear that however this is set up in our solar plexus and diaphragm it is directly how the singing voice will be used or reflected in communication and in singing. 

Either with clarity and straightforwardness or murky and manipulative ways

When the warrior is deactivated, frozen or deflated then how the managing of ones communication with others exhibits itself is by anticipating people‘s needs and wants even before they do.  The person seems to absorb and take on the energy of others.  This weakens the whole body from taking on too much of what doesn’t belong to us.  The new age world has a tendency to name this ‘being over-sensitive or empathic’.  I would say that it’s a lack of boundaries and authority within the individual. 

Another option is simply to freeze and stop moving and functioning which is just another way of controlling the energy in the system.  Being immobilized is a fight or flight reaction in our nervous system.  This is also what the warrior has to take care of in the long run.  A trauma based warrior.  Have you ever been with someone who is sucking the energy and the life out of the room just by their very presence?  

I have often called the diaphragm the shock absorber, it absorbs the shock in the system and ‘takes care of it’ instead of speaking to it and setting a boundary.  This approach is a survival mechanism which is set in the body and becomes the status quo.  Of course the system is now set to ‘absorb’ versus deflect or even respond.  Having the ability to respond in the situation is the empowering of the individual who was been struck with a trauma in the system. 

So many people I know manage and control the initial trauma they experienced and never actually heal or change the status quo of how we respond.  We have not had a understanding of this deep fragmentation in our society. 

Because of the size of the charge of energy that was initially sucked into the body’s nervous system it takes a great deal of very slow gentle undoing of the fabric of a person’s current ‘status quo’ and way of being to get close to a new way of being and responding in life. 

If a singer has this wired into their nervous system and does not have the light of day shed on this then it is extremely difficult to have a career in music and even to have a voice.  

The Warriors – 

Frozen Warrior – responds with freeze and shock.  Behaviour is quiet and withdrawn. 

Dark Warrior – responds with manipulation, anger and ugly behaviour.  Can be confident and bitchy. 

Light Warrior – responds with very clear boundaries.  Looks like true confidence and a balance of the queen, the sage and impersonal energy.  

A balanced warrior comes across as more like an energy of passion and love – Calm-passion (Compassion) without the defensiveness of the fighting warrior.  

 

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *