Authenticity…

What is the Authentic Voice?

Your Authentic Voice is what is found when everything that you think you know about yourself gets stripped away and you find that you don’t know who you are.  It is when you feel lost and alone and like you don’t have any foundation under you. Your whole world feels upside down.  That’s good. That’s a start.  It is the beginning of something that is authentically you that is trying to be birthed.  But first we must cut away from our being that which is not real and cannot withstand the light of love.   Your voice is your instrument, your body the vessel, and your spirit is shining through with its powerful authenticity that feels at once vulnerable and strong at the same time.  There is something unshakable about being in the presence of someone in their authenticity.  The difference with someone being in their ‘power’ and one being in their ‘authenticity’ is the ‘authentic’ person brushes off on you and you want to be around them, the ‘powerful’ person makes you feel less than they are.

The sound of your voice will tell you everything you need to know about where you are now, which is all we need be concerned with or bear witness to.  Your voice represents your emotional inner landscape and is a barometer of moment to moment authenticity.  There are many voices inside all of us.  Voices from different ages that appear through our voice attempting to come home like lost children looking up at others for love and acceptance, finally.  There are the voices from certain archetypes that are working their way through us transforming and evolving us, and the voices that are there to protect us that also stand before us, like a storefront.  These voices represent us for the moment and speak on our behalf, the only thing to do is to develop the awareness that this is happening.  Underneath all of these voices somewhere, is your authentic voice.

The authentic voice when it is open and free from any physical trappings or hindrances has a way to transport us for a moment out of this world and into the other.  It has the power to mediate between worlds and touches an authority from the invisible world which at first can be quite unsettling.  It can feel unsettling because who we are and what we are in those moments brings many unanswered questions with it.  It is the mystical realm that our voices visit and come back from all the wiser. Rumi say’s ‘people are going back and forth across the door sill, where the two worlds touch.’

Your authenticity is your true essence, its you with nothing of the past or the present in front of you.  It is from this place that we can truly create from but this authenticity is not for sale and has no need for productivity and placement.  If your creativity naturally flows from this state then it is in alignment with who you are, however, authenticity is not interested. At. All. In success.

We say we want this, to be authentic and to experience what its like to sing or live from this place but there are very few that are willing to go to the place that this authenticity demands.  There is too much at stake.  Our attachments to our identities of who we think we are have a huge investment in them and to say after all this time that this is not who we are is a death of sorts, and can feel like a huge failure.  This failure is also good and necessary.

Rumi say’s ‘Love comes with a knife and not some shy question, and not with fear for its reputation, I say these things dis-interestingly accept them in kind that Love is a Madman working his wild schemes.”  Indeed.

Gossiping and the Hot Potato…

Gossiping and the Hot-Potato
by Anna Beaumont
You are talking with a friend over coffee and having a great conversation when the tide suddenly changes and your friend starts gossiping about someone, really going for it. And. Everything. Changes.  It’s awkward to say the least. Should I collude? Just nod and go with it like I am right there with her? Go to the bathroom? Hmm, what to do?

Gos*sip – casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.

Your friend is trying to pass you the hot-potato. They are trying to shame someone and they want you to agree that this is a good idea and that person is oh-so-horrible.  We have a decision to make in that moment as to whether we will collude with them, or, not.  Everyone is a mirror for us and when our buttons get pushed and we don’t see what that person is mirroring for us it is so uncomfortable that we seem to have no choice but to make that person wrong rather than being accountable for what is being touched inside of us.  The hot-potato can be feelings of shame, embarrassment or rage that bounce off us unconsciously looking for a place to land to deflect it from ourselves. Gossiping is a great way to pass that hot-potato on.  But it’s stinky and you know it.
The throat chakra has a dial on it like all the chakras.  Chakra means disk or wheel and spins in a clock-wise direction in seven centers throughout the body from the crown to the ground. These wheels can spin too fast creating an excessive amount of energy in one area, or, too slow in one area.  When the throat chakra is excessive and has too much energy the person has to dump some, spill it, like having too much water in a cup and the cup just starts spilling over.  There are many ways to ‘dump’ or ‘spill’ energy, and, one of them is gossiping.  Other ways are by shopping, drinking, sex and of course, food.
You know what it feels like to be held hostage in a conversation.  When someone talks excessively and holds the space hostage.  There is no energy exchange, only a one sided conversation, it is a monologue of epic proportions that steals your life force.  Talking excessively is one level of spilling energy but when gossip enters the arena then things really go from bad to worse.  You are being passed the hot-potato and have entered the gossip playground where the kids play dirty.
If you have a deficient throat chakra you are silent, mute and can feel invisible.  You are usually the one being passed the hot-potato, because others know you are ‘so good at just taking it.‘  ‘She’s such a good listener.‘  This is a perfect breeding ground to be the recipient of the ‘hot-potato’.  I have swallowed shame myself ‘for the good of others’ and to keep the peace, but have come to understand the shaming of that on myself.  “It’s not mine” and “this doesn’t belong to me,” are now common healthy thoughts that appear on my screen now as I develop this discernment of the ‘hot-potato’ gossip passing game.
What can we do to stop the passing of the hot-potato?  As someone who has taken the potato in the past and now doesn’t, I can say that to put my hand up and to say ‘no thank you but I don’t like hot-potato’s anymore’ is at first a very scary thing to do and you might even get a little slap from your inner critic saying to you ‘ya know, you really shoulda taken that potato, caus’ you really want people to like you, you’re not gonna have any friends if you keep doing this,’ and so on.
What we are doing when we say no to the passing of the hot-potato is holding people accountable for their own passing of the shame.  They might have to feel that for themselves, not you, it’s theirs not yours and it’s just not our job.  My heart has developed a certain fierceness in this holding people accountable that feels cleaner than when my rational mind is trying to do it.   When I say it from a judgmental place it feels like I am now shaming them, but the heart knows how to do this.
The heart brings a compassionate understanding with it that says, ‘yes I know that this is how you are getting out of something that you have not yet felt through but I have complete confidence in you that you can do this for yourself.’  Without compassion we are just continuing the potato passing.  Leaving the gossip playground is vulnerable and can be quite messy at first, but when I put my hand up and say, ‘no thanks I don’t want your hot-potato‘ my self-respect grows leaps and bounds and an inner fire gets lit that throw out a light that simply by its very presence says, ‘no hot potato’s accepted here.’

 

 

 

Self expression & losing my voice…

sound and lightI teach self expression through connecting to yourself through singing, meditation and movement.  I have been doing so for close to twenty years. This has been a training ground for me to learn how to teach what it is that I need to know for myself. For years I performed and toured throughout parts of the world, and at home, and along the way I lost myself. I lost myself to what I thought were the expectations of my audience, and in this I lost what I loved the most; the simple joy of singing and being.

Losing my voice was a gift in disguise. I lost my voice and found the key to going within myself and finding myself again slowly, piece by piece. Along with this movement inward was the return of my voice.  It sounds trite, to find oneself and I would’ve thought that years ago, but I feel differently now. I know that heaven exists here on earth, inside of this vessel of my body, all the way from the ground to the crown. Over these years I have gone to work and built a new vessel, a new instrument for this voice to shine out from, or maybe I simply uncovered and peeled away that which couldn’t withstand the light of love.

Over the years as a piece of myself came back through voice and body exploration, I would offer it to my students, and overtime I found I had compiled many, many pieces. Pieces to a very large puzzle, the puzzle to my wholeness. The pain in my body was my guide to each puzzle piece and my singing voice along with my developing awareness was the salve and the key to healing and integrating each piece. A line from one of my songs speaks to this. “There’s a way back and there’s a way through that doesn’t leave behind any part of you.”

The purpose of the Crown chakra is to understand, to stand-under this knowledge that is here right now. Over the years I have stood-under this knowledge and let it teach me a whole new love language. There is an intelligence inside of us that is emotional and energetic in nature and reflects the colors of the rainbow inside of our bodies. Everything in nature is flowing and vibrating and this flowing power exists within us, if we listen.  It is the ancient system of the 7 chakras, and the vital universal energy that feeds them . It is our opportunity to know heaven on earth. This is our heaven on earth and this is the pointer back to our loveliness.

However there is one catch. One of the keys to this system is the singing voice. It represents the magic of heaven and ironically, this magic terrifies us. The singing voice is the medium through which we must go through this system in order for us to truly connect to each level. It is the direct experience of our light playing inside of our earthly bodies.  It has the potential to penetrate our bodies and to bring back the light if we are willing.  It doesn’t matter what you think of your voice.  It only matters that you be-friend it and let it help you.

It is an opportunity to at once face our fears and to embrace a beauty inside of us that is immeasurable. Where spirit and matter meet, where sound and light connect.  It is the fear and the beauty all rolled into one. Your voice, your beautiful voice. It wants out and it has tremendous healing powers if you will allow it to be. It will assist you in cracking your shell, the cast that you have over you to block your light from shining outwards and consequently giving others permission to do the same. It wants to free you from your fears of it’s power. It is innocent, as are you.

We are all trying to find our way the best we can, all of us are gathering pieces of the puzzle and moving forward the best we can. Sometimes when the pieces fit together I catch a glimpse of heaven on earth and I smile.