When the ‘Pleaser’ is singing everyone is held hostage…including the one singing. The Pleaser is the first protective self to be born over the infant to be pleasing and to get the love that it needs to survive.
This can be the hardest self to see because we can be so identified to this self for survival. It’s part of a control system that insures attention but in it’s extreme the Pleaser can be very dark and difficult to be around.
One feels they are being manipulated even though the one who is speaking is being So Nice.
It is an abandonment of self, and when the Pleaser is singing the one singing does not receive any benefit whatsoever.
The singing Pleaser can also attach itself very conveniently to the New Age world of giving love and ‘healing the world’ with it’s ‘gifts.’
Only in my body do I know the difference between an act of sacrifice (pleasing) and an act of love.
Connecting to our inner life and feeling what is there is so important for every communication, including singing, so we no longer play out these parts of us that think we are so young and desperate. It’s time to reflect our inner connection outwards not to please the outer connection.
The more I connect with myself the more I can connect with you. Our authenticity can appear, but not until we meet this self in us that needs love from others and will do anything to get it.
Love the Pleaser for what she has done for you, and gently, separate…
