I recently did a YouTube interview with the retreat centre in Costa Rica that I will be teaching at in a couple of weeks, and, I had to really think about, What is the Authentic Voice?
I went through quite a process to get to a deeper truth within myself, past all of the voices that said ‘pick me, pick me!’ and slowly got to a calmer, more truthful place within myself. So I could trust myself to speak the truth, the real truth about what it is I do. What I have worked towards for the past 25 years. To uncover my voice and my truth not just in my singing voice, but within me.
You know you’re not on solid ground when what is being said needs to convince, talk them into it, try to pull them over to my side. Yes, that’s the voice pleading and bargaining, ‘like me, like me!’ There were a few of those voices using all of my authentic voice information, but with a different hat on to disguise itself. This voice says, ‘look, if you just put me out there I will protect you from saying anything stupid, okay!’
And yes I was afraid of the stupid thing, and the stumbly thing, and the embarrassing thing…and, okay you get it. But here’s what I feel now on the other side of this Appearance. That we need to step into the Spotlight and set ourselves up for Courage and Truth to appear in all their glory. Nothing can change without the risk, sorry, it’s just the way it is. With this bravery comes all of the fears that are in the way of Truth. Until they don’t. Appear that is.
But when the fears rise up to protect us and we in turn grow up and around them simply by becoming aware of them, we become more able to burn through them. Beginning to trust something that we don’t have control over, this truth will rise up within us. I experienced this bursting Truth rising up through me pushing aside all of the riff raff of my fears, finally stepping to the forefront and getting the stage.
This voice is calm, unapologetic, unknowing yet knowing, it is not ahead of itself because it is so incredibly present. It is thoughtful and wise and acting on my behalf in a very, loving way. This is The Authentic Voice. At one point in the video this voice said, (yes I know it’s me but just go with it) speaking from this voice meant that your life will have to change, that things will be said that are not welcome to everyone, that boundaries will be set that are hard. But, also that it will be easier to ask for what you need and want, and you will be less apologetic in this asking.
Now, does this mean that this will always happen? That I won’t railroad myself anymore? That I am ‘all good’ now. I somehow don’t think so. Darn. We will just have to wait and see.