Are you a people pleaser?
Putting others needs before yours is understandable yes, but here’s the thing, it kills the authentic voice.
Having a voice for real is about coming face-to-face with this protective, knee-jerk grip that speaks first out of our mouths out of habit.
Breaking up with the part of me that wants to take care of your needs before mine is hard but should be on the top priority list of the authentic singer.
Putting your own needs at the bottom of the list and taking care of others and then going home and gobbling down a tub of ice cream is getting old. Fast.
And here’s the real kicker is not a lot of the time we don’t know what our needs are.
I think this is the tricky because I think we sometimes ‘fake know’ our needs in order to seem like we’re really happening and connected, like I’m good here I know what I want.
It’s not popular to know what we want. It does take some connecting and feeling to really get in touch with our needs and wants, you might’ve noticed.
If you’re like, yah I got this I know what they are, then hmm you might want to feel a little deeper. Start with the thought, I don’t know and then feel forward from there.
What does this have to do with singing you ask?
When we sing we find out pretty quickly if we’re connected to ourselves or not.
The voice doesn’t lie and it reflects the truth, the authenticity or lack thereof.
Singing authentically demands a connection to me, my body first or it will sound disconnected and inauthentic.
I secretly think for this very reason people don’t sing because of how much it exposes the Pleaser-I’ve Got -This life figured-out thing.
Pleasing others at the cost of your own is like crack cocaine, it feels really, really good and then it feels like really crappy a couple of hours or minutes later (back to ice-cream gobbling).
You know it after you’ve done it, I sure do, I’m like boy there’s something that I know you want and ya know It will feel really good if I give you the right answer, or say or do the right thing you’ll like me and I’ll get that hit of crack, yeah that’s it.
Give ‘em what they want. Ooh what a lure that is hey? And….back by popular opinion is the Super Glu of the Ego THE PLEASER.
Breaking this ol’ contract is like a death. You might’ve experienced this yourself.
Letting people down and not holding up your part of the bargain in ‘Pleaser Land’ is hard for a number of reasons.
One reason if you’ll bare with me is….because there are a shit ton of feelings that you’re sitting on that are being held in place by this protection of Pleasing.
If take care of your needs then you might take care of mine because I’m not allowed to take care of mine, whayday say? It’s a date?
If I represent myself and my needs I will create so much safety and love for myself that I will likely (and have) allow for a tidal wave of repressed emotions to rise up and wash through me shattering the past into little tiny pieces.
And this ladies and gentlemen is also why some are afraid of singing.
Because there’s so much rage, sadness and regret sitting inside of us that jeez louise one note might just topple everything over and then what?
It’s okay I know this so well myself. This is uncomfortable as f*&*. Having a voice is breaking this Strong Hold of pleasing others first.
So, does this make you want to sing? Or run screaming from the room, ‘em, computer?
Your needs and wants are not needy they’re beautiful and real and are standing at the entrance to the castle waiting for you.
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